


Catfish the TV Show... with Ianto and Jack

by AwatereJones



Category: Catfish: The TV Show, Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:07:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28941954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwatereJones/pseuds/AwatereJones
Summary: Got the pesky old writers block again, stalled out completely so i have written this little six chapter madness to try and refocus the brain... i know... i am mad but you all know this. The real question is... who is the true Catfish? Nev and Max can not quite work this one out either. HARKSTIEL this is for you because you made me laugh when i needed it xxxx
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Lisa Hallett/Ianto Jones
Comments: 20
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Harkstiel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harkstiel/gifts).



Ianto was struggling to get the dog in the car, growling softly as she tried to wriggle back out, knocking the briefcase he had pushed her in with and he cursed softly as his phone started to ring as well.

Well of course it would.

Great. This cow of a dog doesn't want to go to doggy day-care and Lisa was not picking up… great. All we need now is…. And the rain started to fall, the rain not forecast until the evening. Well… this is London. Almost as unpredictable as Wales ya know. At least the rain there felt … homely. Ianto hated this fucking place. He hated his job at the bookshop, he hated the people he worked with, he hated the fact the Cardiff store had offered him a Manager's position and Lisa refused to move there… He fumbled the phone out of his pocket as he now used a foot to restrain the Rottweiler "Myfanwy, cut it out!"

He managed to answer the call "Hello?"

" _Is this Ianto Jones?"_

"Yes? Can I help you?" Ianto asked pushing the door closed with a satisfying click and he leaned back against the car with annoyance. Come on… it's fucking raining out here.

" _This is Nev and Max from Catfish… have you heard of our TV show?"_

"Yeeeeeees. My girlfriend…hhaha…I mean.. fiancé… that sounds so… well… soon to be wife I guess" Ianto gushed happily like he always did when able to talk about his upcoming wedding "Sorry… yes."

" _Are you the Ianto Jones that has been in an online relationship for the last eight months with…."_

"NO NO NO NONONONONOOOOOOO" Ianto said with increasing horror "What… no. Look, I am sorry. You have the wrong person, Jones is so common… more than one Ianto out there… you know at the swimming baths there are three Ianto Joneses listed… you have the wrong one."

" _A different one using your home address of…."_

Ianto stood in the rain as his home address was read off, and then he frowned as he started to get pissed.

"Excuse me… are you stalking me or something? This is a bit… how do I know this is really you?" he demanded.

" _Go online and…"_

"I don't do online" Ianto cut him off with a huff "If you knew me at all you would know that I do not even have an online profile let alone message with people. I have not been active online since… god… three years ago when my sister was in an abusive relationship and her Ex tracked her using me. I shut everything down!"

" _Well that explains all the deactivated accounts.. what?... I am getting to that Max… listen… how do you think we got your number? Your wifi address is in your URL at the top of your page. Wifi, then we could get your phone number which we are talking on right now!"_

Ianto stood there now seething "Look… it…is…not…me….fuck…off."

Ianto turned off the phone and stared at it with incredulity, then walked around the car to get in only to find the door locked and a dog looking at him with that shit eating grin of a lowly cur. Ianto sighed and drew the spare keys from his other pocket to shake at her as he pointed to the ones in the ignition "Good try bozo. Fool me once!"

It was all a hoax anyway… these scammers will try anything.

.

.

Ianto was behind the counter smiling inanely at customers as the phone went and he reached out to pluck it up without a second thought. "Hello?"

" _Ianto Jones?"_

Ianto sighed as he recognised the voice "Really? Come on, this is getting stupid. Leave me alone, I am working."

" _Can we just meet on your lunch break somewhere? We are in the country doing a UK special and in London… come on. We can sort all of this out and maybe clear you from our investigation."_

Ianto snorted "Listen to you… like cops or something. God… will it make you leave me alone? There is a coffee shop near the square called the Rooster's Nest. Meet me there in an hour."

" _Promise"_

Ianto placed the phone down and looked over at his manager who frowned to let Ianto know his view of personal calls. Like whatever… it IS the shop phone… he had to answer it right? God. Prick is still smarting over the job offer that went to Ianto, not him. Ianto sighed as he went back to work and hoped at lunchtime he could help them realise he was not the man they were looking for.

.

.

Ianto entered the coffee shop looking for the men he knew from TV and found the sitting with a film crew around them, several cameras and another man sitting next to them with a look of doom.

As he started towards them the man looked up "There he is! Ianto!"

Ianto had never seen this man before in his life, had no idea what was going on but as he got to the table he found himself engulfed in the man's arms as he hugged him "I knew it was you."

Ianto extricated himself and looked at the man with confusion "Who… who are you?"

"What do you mean… it's me. Ianto…it's me. Jack!"

"I… I am sorry… I have no idea who you are" Ianto said and he watched the man's face fall moments before anger flared and the man grabbed him by his lapel.

"Don't' talk bullshit, after everything we've been through. Come on… where did all the money go?"

"Money?" Ianto said at the same time as Max and Nev.

Oh god.

What?


	2. who?

The man was called Jack and he was very invested in the Ianto Jones he had met on line, spent months getting to know… sexting with… ew… and even sending … oh god.

"How much?" Ianto asked after a while, the first thing he had said since sitting down "How much did this person take from you?"

"About fifteen thousand or so" Jack said as he finally started to accept that this was not the same person. "It's not you, is it? The voice… the voice is all wrong…it's… melodic. Your accent"

"I'm Welsh, born and bred me" Ianto nodded "Had this voice me whole life… well…when I finally decided to speak. Did not speak till I was four years old, they think I had nothing to say but knowing me I just couldn't be ballsed."

Jack gave an empty chuff of laughter and sat back rubbing his face "So you are not even Gay. I'm a douche!"

"Here it would be a twat" Ianto said automatically and Jack's hands slid down so he could see him, then Jack smiled softly.

"See? That … cutting snide humour. That was what drew me to you…to … whoever… fuck!"

"Show me conversations, show me what 'other me' has said and done?" Ianto asked and accepted a laptop. He stared at the photos of himself, and then read the screeds of messages. Love. They spoke of love, hope and a future. Oh god, this Jack was not just invested… he was in love with a Ianto that did not exist.

Ianto then noticed something. He frowned as he reread the lines and then he went back to the photos, scrutinizing them as some he didn't even know existed. Some he did know alright… oh yes. Some of the photos were easily identifiable. He knew when, where and who took them.

"I know who this is" he finally said with confusion "At least.. who is providing the photos. These are all photos of me taken by my fiancé, Lisa. Her phone. I know all of this line of them down here. Someone must have hacked her phone… or…well I thought that until I read this one here. See? Where it says 'see you on the flip side' instead of saying goodnight."

"He always says that." Jack sighed to Max and Nev.

"SHE says that. Lisa. It is one of her quirks that I hate. I can only… wow." Ianto stopped talking, sitting there staring at the men with a weird feeling of doom. "I don't know what to say. Our wedding if less than three weeks away, I mean… wait… where is the money? I have been paying off everything as she had a shitty job… oh god."

"Ianto!" Toshiko called out across the shop "What the hell was that weird text?"

Ianto explained it all as she sat slack jawed, and then she said "Shut the fuck up."

"Exactly."

"Hang on" she muttered opening her satchel and yanking out a top-of-the-line laptop and she was soon slamming the keys with open malice "What's her birthday? Hang on, favourite number or colour? Hah! Easy passwords…. Oh boy… Ianto… you look good on those bathing shorts… hang on… there … right… oh shit."

"What shit?"

"There are four other guys on here getting strung along… sex talk, promises to meet… asking for money… god Ianto… she is raking it in." Toshiko said then looked at Ianto long and hard "What is a big bill you gave her money for… tell me."

"The venue? The Pig and Whistle's conference centre for the reception. I had to pay five grand up front." Ianto said after considering and he watched her slam those poor keys. When she stooped and looked up at him he knew, slumping back.

"I'm sorry Ianto love… there is nothing booked for the weekend of your wedding. Looks like she never made that payment." Toshiko said softly "another?"

Ianto shook his head, too done to speak as he went over their plans, their giggles and fun… she was playing him. All that time … goddamn it.

.

.

They played the tape of previous phone conversations and Ianto felt something inside shift as he canted his head and frowned "I … who is that?"

"That's what we are trying to work out" Neve said softly as they listened "Could it be someone trying to imitate you? Sounds nothing like you."

"No… who is pretending to be Jack? That is not his voice either!" Ianto pointed out and Jack snorted softly.

"OK… maybe… maybe someone used my profile." Jack admitted "As soon as I found out I was livid and… I am trying to sort this out."

"Ah. So… a friend has catfished a catfish?" Ianto asked then started to snigger softly "But this is something you are all angry at me about?"

"Look… OK. My sister, Rose. She has been ... god I could kill her. Our parents almost disowned me for being bisexual. They told her she couldn't date a boy until she finished university. This way… she was covertly doing it while still being home every day after school to please them" Jack admitted "when she finally told me … when she said there was no more money… I wanted to kill you. If this IS a girl it's even worse!"

"Except it isn't me. It's my…. How crazy is this? Two women pretending to be men?"


	3. seeing the funny side

"Look… we need to confront her" Neve said after a while "Where would she be now?"

"At her… well… her mother's. If that really is her mother. I don't really know what to believe anymore. I mean, if it is her mother… what … why are you looking at me like that … Jack? What are they thinking?"

.

.

"Lorraine, hi" Ianto grinned as he stood on the doorstep "Is Lisa here?"

"Ah… sorry love. Just missed her, she was heading into town to check out a few things…oh… you have friends with you?" the woman blinked owlishly at the people standing there with cameras and looks of doom.

"Yeah… these are some of my old college friends who came to help me do my part for the wedding. I told them how Lisa has stored most of the things here she has been buying and they want a look… you know… for the wedding film ... something about a colour wheel…huh… I have no idea about these things" Ianto was gushing like a school boy, bouncing on the balls of his feet and Jack was struck with how calm he was being.

"Sorry love, you can't peek before the wedding" she laughed, wagging a finger as she blocked the door with her body "You know the rules."

"But I am not looking for the dress… I mean the table cloths and the table arrangement things" Ianto smiled.

"Yes, but her dress is in there too."

Ianto blinked, looked confused "Ah… hang on… she said one more fitting yet… needed another three hundred for it next week."

"Oh…her…ah... dad lent her the money, she has to pay him back" she said quickly, the panic clear.

"Doesn't the bride's family pay for the dress anyway?" Jack decided to join in, "I mean... she's your daughter. How much has this cost you so far?"

"Also…why are there no photos of her childhood for the wedding album?" Ianto added then he sighed "then again, there are none of Marcus ether."

"Marcus?"

"It's OK. Lisa told me about him." Ianto swung to the cameras and said with wild eyes "Her twin brother Marcus. He was hit by a car right outside this house when they were six … poor little fella died instantly. The family has never been the same."

"No…well… it was a horrible thing" she sighed, then stepped back. "It's upsetting to talk about, even now."

"Terrible. Very." Ianto nodded, then he stepped off the stoop and turned from her to leave, then he called over his shoulder "I will catch her at home later."

"You giving up?" Jack asked with surprise.

"No… I am just getting started" Ianto replied then smiled as he added with a flourish "Because there is no fucking Marcus. Seems I can make shit up too."

Jack looked at him and started to laugh as they clambered into the car.

He was starting to like this guy.

.

.

They were sitting at Ianto's house, looking around with interest as a dog tried to tear appear the laundry room door to get to them.

"Just ignore her… she hates missing out. Should have called her FOMO, not Myfanwy." Ianto said dismissively.

"Pretty name" Jack said.

"My lady" Ianto clarified, settling to pour the coffee and Jack accepted a cup with interest. The others were setting up cameras and such, their glee obvious as Ianto settled back and sipped at his own cup with a look of deep thought.

"You know the funny thing about all this?" Ianto asked Jack softly.

"Hmmmm?"

"Well… you are just what I would go for. Handsome, devilish and a hint of bastard to you that is soooo yummy" Ianto smiled, then took another sip as Jack sat there stunned. Wait.

"You… you're gay?"

"Bi."

"Me too."

"You said" Ianto took another sip, "imagine the irony here. If we had met online we would have hooked up… this is so …so.. Hollywood."

"Hollywood?"

"Yeah, like some movie where there is either one of them a spy for some MI14 or some shit or maybe one has a terminal illness and needed the dosh. No… maybe… maybe they discover they are secretly related to one another. Siblings" Ianto screwed his face up and jack found himself grinning as he joined in.

"Maybe… maybe one is actually the other sex, hiding from the mafia and forced to pretend to be someone else… now stuck in the lie and unable to explain the wrong sex organs so… online is the only way?"

"Good one. Good one. An alien from a far off planet, can only hold human form for a few hours" Ianto pointed a finger and Jack laughed as he shifted in his seat.

"A ghost, dead but not wanting to leave, luring in prey to try and find life again... or like invasion of the body snatchers."

"Oh… I love that movie. Donald Sutherland was so scary" Ianto giggled and Jack laughed with him.

Max had turned to watch the two men as Nev continued to give commentary to the camera and Max watched Ianto blush as he flapped a hand at Jack about something, both men leaning in to snigger and clutch at one another like school girls.

Max leaved back and slapped at Nev "Hey…hey… stop a sec. Look."

"Huh?" Nev turned and watched as well then smiled.

"Well…I'll be a monkey's uncle."

"Yeah… this might roll into a two parter."


	4. Lisa?

"There she is!" Ianto suddenly said, rising from his seat with his phone in his hand "She just posted something, look… Tosh sent me a screen shot of it!"

The men rushed to find the website and Ianto leaned over them, Jack unable to resist looking at the delectable butt now pushed out at him as Ianto looked intently at the screen "What the hell? Wait… I know where this is. It's near her work… it's … well. A restaurant we never go to, she says the waiters are rude. Look at that!"

"Just around the corner" Max said gleefully "Come on… we can walk it."

And they did.

.

.

Entering the restaurant was so calming, so… cathartic for Ianto as he saw her sitting there holding the hand of a men he had never seen before. A man looking at her with such love and adoration that he felt his mouth go dry and he calmly walked over and addressed the man as he stood behind Lisa "Hi there. I'm Ianto, Lisa's soon-to-be husband…and you are?"

Lisa froze, Max scuttling around tables gleefully to get the get shot of her face as she stared at the camera with open confusion.

"What?" the man squeaked "Emily? What…"

"It's Lisa. Or at least… that's the name she uses with me and since she lives with me, sleeps with me at night... I think that's the right one… for now. Tell me… given her money yet?" Ianto asked, now on a roll as he grinned wider "Told you about the tragic miscarriage she had in high school? No? Or…or… did she tell you she is afraid of spiders? Or … come on… what did she tell you? What is her favorite colour then?"

"Blue?"

"Purple. She told me purple. Favorite meal?"

"Fish pie same as me!" the man said more confidently.

"No, hates fish pie. She likes steak." Ianto folded his arms "Met her mother yet?"

"Her mother is dead" the man said with a grin now, "nice try."

"Really? We just met her, or someone saying she was her mother" Nev said around Ianto "Hi, Nev from Catfish. Did you know this woman's name is not what she is telling you, you are not the only man she has under her thumb and she is actually looking like a con artist?"

The man stared at him, then slowly looked at her and his face changed "The rent. I pay your rent so…"

"I own my house, she lives with me rent free" Ianto interjected "Well… did. I am going home to throw her shit on the front lawn… maybe where Myfanwy had had a nice big shit this morning."

Jack started to laugh as he watched and Lisa looked at him, then her face changed to horror "Oh my god… Jack? Is that… oh my god. You came all the way from America?"

"No… I live in Cardiff actually. My sister Rose is the one who told you all those porkeys" Jack giggled "she was catfishing you with my pictures too."

"Mister Jones?"

Ianto turned to find one of his favorite clients looking at him with confusion "Daryl. Hey. This is Jack…Nev… max… you know… they are from a TV show. How are you? Did that self-help book help with the plumbing?"

"Yes… the wife was best pleased with me. Sir… would you like a seat?"

"Actually… I am hungry, not eaten all day. Yes. Yes we will sit and have a meal… er… there are… what… eight of us?" Ianto looked around at the crew and soon tables were being shoved together as Lisa howled and tried to pull away from the hands of the hapless idiot trying to pay the bill and leave.

"I can't stand fish cakes" Jack said as he perused the menu "But the tuna salad looks good, can I have a side of hot chips too though? Don't want to be too healthy."

"Ianto… love…" she sobbed as she staggered towards the table "I can explain darling…."

"Call Security Daryl, I do not know this woman. Don't let her pay with my credit card either as I think I lost it, cut that bitch up! And I want the spaghetti, extra meat balls… a side of chips too. Everyone order what you like, on me. I have a huge wedding budget here I need to play with!" Ianto said as he looked at Jack then settled back to watch Lisa escorted out as everyone gleefully ordered a slap up meal, tucking in as Nev and Max went over things with their co-producer.

"That's Nev's wife" Jack said softly to Ianto "Petty little thing isn't she?"

"She could provably snap a man in half" Ianto said back with a serious face and they were soon giggling again. "You know Jack… I don't think I even loved her. I am not even upset. I liked the idea of her… of … belonging to someone. You see, my own family is rather fragmented. We don't' do Christmases, special events… we only meet at wedding and funerals so maybe once or twice a year I even see my siblings. Lisa was my family. I loved that… the idea of that. Silly now...I am not even upset. Can you imagine that? I should be crying, throwing things… demanding the ring back… don't even like that either now… it is not expensive as I felt weird about it, she has no idea what I am worth, how much her wedding ring would have been… like … I was going to get her a big arse diamond ya know? She has no idea how close I came to getting totally fleeced."

Jack rose and stormed over to where Lisa was tearfully trying to pay the bill as the man had finally bailed on her "ring!"

She looked at him while shoving a handful of notes at the waiter and he held out his hand with anger "Ianto's ring. Give!"

She sobbed as she pulled the ring off and slapped into his hand then fled howling as Max chased her with a mobile camera and a look of glee. Jack sat back down and slammed the ring down on table in front of Ianto who stared at it and started to laugh, bellowing from the belly as he folded over pointing at the ring and everyone looked at him with confusion, then Jack picked the ring up to examine and asked "Wrong one?"

Ianto nodded through his tears of mirth and Jack joined in.

God knows how many rings she has and has to keep swapping out but this one was clearly at least twice the value of the one Ianto had purchased for her.

He looked at it and wondered if it was theft to keep it.

Pretty this one.


	5. the 'throw her shit on the lawn' phase

Finally the filming was over and they were allowed to leave the restaurant. Jack insisted on seeing Ianto back to his place, such a gentleman and as they stood outside the taxi barking from the back yard could be heard as Myfanwy heard the taxi.

"My dog" Ianto said as he turned to find Jack walking him to the door. He then saw the taxi start to drive off and felt a weird moment in the air. The car Jack had driven there was still in the driveway by Ianto's but… well….Ianto considered options.

"So… thanks for… well… weird to say that but… I enjoyed today" Jack said as he stood outside Ianto's house and Ianto turned to look at the door.

"Wanna come in? throw shite on the lawn in the rain with me?"

Jack stared at him long and hard then said "Sure."

.

.

Nev and Max arrived some time later to find the front lawn set up like some was living in it, a TV even on the set of drawers with an armchair set so you could sit and watch the TV if it were plugged in … and not soaked with rain.

"Hey guys" Jack waved as he exploded out of the forint door of the house wearing a flowing dressing gown of pure silk, the hat on his head clearly for a wedding or something with silk flowers around the band "Like it? We call it… the Fuck You Lisa Installation."

Max started to film it with amusement as Nev went in to find Ianto pulling things off walls and telling Jack he never liked those either. "You know… I think I should paint. These bland beige walls were her idea. I had some lovely wallpaper on here before her. Maybe I need a pop of colour, liven the place up."

"You could go coastal… wood half way up, nice whitewash paint then some coloured top half… like wallpaper or paint" Jack said as he stepped back "the high ceilings are really great for the Hamptons Style. I like beach feels."

"Huh" Ianto looked up and sloshed his glass of wine a bit, giggled and took a swig "I like that."

"I know a guy, has a carpentry company…does the wall thing with the boards" Jack waved a hand "Forget the right word… you know what I mean."

"Tongue n' groove" Ianto said with wide eyes "Least… that's what we always called it."

"Tongues in grooves" Jack said then sniggered "I could lick you in this room."

"You could… but I would squeal. I am soo ticklish." Ianto said happily "Best lick me in the bedroom… soundproofed."

Jack laughed lustily and pointed at Ianto splashing some of his own wine "Cheeky Tiger!"

"Oh look! Fucking CDs!" Ianto staggered to a large rack and started to yank some, "Hers, hers, fucking shit I hated in the car, hers…. Ah. This is mine. Mama Mia!"

"ABBA!" Jack screamed, seizing it to open and they were dancing and singing along like idiots. Yes, the others joined in a bit too. Why not, it was fun. Never let it be said New and Max could not boogie!

"OK… I could watch this all night but we need to sleep" Nev final said to Max "Lets come back in the morning and see how much worse this is."

"I love this" Max said happy as he clipped his seatbelt "Best episode ever."

.

.

"You know what?" Jack said as he watched Ianto feed the open fire, the dog snoring on the sofa behind them as she took up the entire room.

"What? I feel like I don't know much at all lately" Ianto replied as he flopped down beside Jack.

"I … have not had this much fun in years"

"Me neither. What the hell was I doing here? This house… I don't even like this house ya know. I should… I don't know… make a change. A fresh start. No good dwelling, looking back over… Mmfphhhh"

Jack's mouth slammed over Ianto's as he seized his face, pulling him down on to the carpet and they kissed lustily in the firelight, Jack then whispered "I don't know about you, but I am drunk and really… a fire like this is perfect for shagging in front of."

"Ok" Ianto said dreamily "but make Myf out to another room yeah? I can't do it with an audience. I don't know why but… I don't want her to see my naked arse."

Jack grinned and he staggered up and petted the dog to take her out and he led her to the kitchen for some treats, then staggered back and closed the door to find Ianto already naked in the floor with the firelight dappling his pale skin.

"Oh god." Jack sighed "There you are… I feel like whatshisface… about to get his whale."

"Huh?"

"Moby Dick… look at the size of that… god."

"Ahab?"

"Yeah… thar she blows!" Jack giggled as he landed neatly on Ianto "Wanna… blow?"

"If you call me a whale again I shall have to beat you with it but… sure… show me what you've got big boy... fire that harpoon" Ianto said then laughed which turned to squeals as Jack licked him.

He really is ticklish ya know.


	6. update

Their heads were pounding, three bottles were empty in the garbage and the front yard was all set up for a rainy day garage sale had disintegrated somewhat with the drunken rage. Ianto walked out and scratched his crotch as he watched Lisa and some others picking things up morosely.

"OI!" he roared with annoyance "I changed my mind about the chair. Leave it there!"

The two men lifting the armchair stared at him as he glared back at them, only his boxer shorts on and a look of extreme madness in his eyes, backed up by the man who appeared behind him also just in boxer shorts and with a fire poker in his hand, woken by Ianto's bellow.

They dropped the chair and started to back out of the yard as she screamed at them to come back and help her damn it.

"You know… I think she has brothers" Ianto said with interest "do they look like brothers?"

"I have a brother. Gray, a bit older than Rose." Jack said as he turned to Ianto "breakfast? Tell me about your family."

"Sure"

They closed the door and the men rushed in to get more things, now nervously watching the door as a large dog plastered herself to the bay window and slathered about the glass like a demon trying to escape the bowels of hell to rain down her wrath on them.

"I like your dog" Jack said as he chewed some bacon a little later on "She's mad."

"Yeah. Me too" Ianto said happily, not clarifying if it was him or the dog which was mad and Jack liked that "Lisa didn't like her inside."

"But.." Jack took a slow glance around and grumbled with annoyance "she's an inside dog!"

"Exactly" Ianto pointed a finger at him and let it slowly wilt as he stared at Jack then he said softly "Why couldn't it be you and me meeting over something silly and falling in love. Finding we are a good fit and… changing our worlds to make it one big dysfunctional one together? I would watch the hell out of that shit! Yeah… that's a Hollywood ending!"

"I could do that" Jack said as he leaned back "Heddlu. You… you own this place?"

"Yeah… but… I can rent it out. I have oodles of money, my parents left us kids wealthy" Ianto smiled as he canted his head. "Why she wanted that marriage certificate I think ..my favorite place is in Cardiff actually… near the bay. Lisa hated Wales."

"Bullshit!" Jack sputtered "Really?"

"Yes. I could put in for a transfer to the bookstore there… they are looking for a new manager but I knew Lisa would never go for it… we could do that."

"I don't' know it we could live in sin though" Jack fluttered his eyelashes like last night's drunken sex had not happened "I am only a small town girl here in the big smoke."

"I could put a ring on it" Ianto said and he slapped his hand on the table, the pants from the night before he had pulled on helping with the game "Look… I got a doozy."

"Wow… a real… hook" Jack sniggered, then started to laugh "Hook, line and diamond, damn... caught a whale."

Ianto sat back and stared at Jack as he realized this was not a game.

He would apply for that transfer today, check things out and…. "I can move within two weeks."

"I can give two weeks notice on my apartment" Jack agreed "I will need a key. For the house."

"Sure, Ianto rose and returned with a keying "Here. I wrote down the address, has a double garage but the one garage key works both and here is the clicker thing, front and back door keys, also the key to the attic. I know it sounds silly but I lock it. A fear of vampires."

Jack stared at him then saw the glint in his eye and roared with mirth.

Just like that.

.

.

"HEY!" Nev and Max waved through the screen as Ianto sat at his desk waving back, then Nev said "So… six months later. How's it going?"

"Great. The new job in Cardiff is sooo much better than my old one, some of my co-workers are friends I went to school with if ya can believe it. The house needed a facelift because Jack didn't' like the kitchen layout but I had always intended redoing the kitchen, Gave him a task to do, he is all about projects, this man. Building me a garden shed this weekend."

"So… things with Jack…"

"CARIAD!"

Jack entered the room behind Ianto's chair and leaned over to wave, the bathrobe he was in showing he had just got out of the shower, his wet hair dripping into Ianto's lap as the man yelled "Cariad, gods. Wet!"

"Sorry" Jack grinned, then rubbed his head with this hand, letting the water fly all over Ianto who yodeled and swung to slap him then laugh with delight as Jack seized him and kissed him.

Max and Nev watched as Ianto hugged Jack's head then ruffled his head in a noogie, before releasing him and turned back to them "As you can see. He is hell to live with but I endure."

Jack then leaned over and said "Guess what… he's ticklish too."

Cue screams and wresting, the chair upended and a slippered foot flying past the screen the last thing the two men saw before a hand reaches up to wave then slap at the keyboard to end the call.

Seems they were good.

.

.

The episode aired three months after that. Nine month after that day, three quarters of a year after that day… the two men sat watching with open amusement, laughing at themselves on the screen and the way Max and Nev were acting. Jack pointed "Look at them, like master minds."

"I liked them… Max has lovely hair."

"I like yours better" Jack replied as he started to slide another invitation into an envelope, "Tiger? Should we invite them too?"

Ianto stopped writing, his pen poised as the perfect calligraphy stalled on the invitation he was filling out "Well… I don't see why not. Sure."

Cool" Jack nodded as he turned the envelope over; his own handwriting perfectly swirled on the envelope as he addressed it to Rose. He then placed a stamp and put it on the stack beside him. It was a relief that Rose was forgiven in her part in this, she was just a teenager that started all this and a stupid one after all. Anyway... if not for her they would not be here so... Ianto quite liked having a little sister to share clothes with... who knew she would love his jacket collection so much.

Ianto resumed writing out the wedding invitations then added "We could invite Lisa too?"

Jack started to snigger then he agreed "But at a different time and a different venue? Have her turn up all dressed up with a gift and the desire to leap up at the 'if anyone knows' part only to find an empty church?"

"Oh, that would be mean!" Ianto sat back and frowned at him then added "We would need an address for one."

Jack reached for the phone book with a glint in his eye.

.

.

.

The End xxx


End file.
